Learning to laugh

I had to learn to laugh. I have always had a sense of humor. I have always been pretty sharp with my witty comebacks and sarcasm. I like to mask things with jokes, and I always have. It took growing up and reflecting to truly learn to laugh.

Let’s get just a little bit serious for a minute.

I suffer from both depression and anxiety. *GASP*

I thought I would get that out of the way sooner rather than later.

Yes, I suffer from both. I am on medicine for both. I have no shame about my mental illnesses, and I still know how to laugh. I laugh loud, hard, and very obnoxiously.

My mental illness is the reason I had to learn to laugh. I had to learn to laugh even in the worst of times. I had to learn to see any ray of light in a very dark place.

With a lot of learning and much more faith, I think I’m finally getting there.

So that time in fourth grade when I pee’d my pants in the middle of a math test is now a very funny story to share. As well as the time I pee’d my pants before I could make it back to my apartment in Cali. I think those are both hilarious stories now. At the time I was horribly embarrassed (especially when the really nice person sitting next to me told the whole class, and when I had to sneakily wash my shoes at the Laundromat that specifically said ‘no shoes in the machines’). Now I think of it more as a really great way to laugh at myself, and when I say, “I really have to pee. Like right now”, people take me much more seriously.

In high school I did things that no one could ever be proud of. I can seriously laugh at how silly yet real I thought things were then. I remember how much every single outfit, relationship, and party mattered. Every negative word that other people said about me was heart wrenching. I smiled through all of this. I always pretended I was okay. Then I would cry before falling asleep and replay every ugly word that every single one of those ugly hearted people said. I thought it all mattered so much when it really didn’t matter at all. I learned so much in those years that made me the person I needed to be. Being this person meant being a person who can laugh at the silly things in life and find a positive in the negatives of life. Being this person means I know whose words really matter, and whose words don’t.

Okay, this got deep. I didn’t mean to. We’ll keep it light from now on.

What’s a moth’s life motto?

Always look at the bright side. 😉

Until next time,

Life is my comedy show

 

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